The most important thing that we can do as parents, whether our kids are toddlers or teenagers or young adults, is to be emotionally connected to ourselves. What do I mean by that? Well, we get a lot of information coming at us every day, whether it's from sources online, to neighbors, to our school system, community.
Whatever it is, we, like our kids, get a lot of information coming in and we've gotten to a place where I believe as parents, we think the answer for our problems with our kids or our kids' behavior is out there and that's not really the case. The answer that we have with our own unique child and our relationship with them and the challenges that we have with them is within us, so it's tapping into our own inner wisdom and intuition.
This is the most important thing that I think that we can do as parents, is be emotionally connected to ourselves and therefore then more attuned emotionally to our kids, but how do we do that? I'm going to share with you four steps:
One is awareness, right? If what I'm saying to you makes sense, it resonates with you, that "Yeah, maybe outside influences, maybe everybody else and what they're doing with their kids is influencing too much of the relationship I have with my own unique child," so awareness is the key to beginning the next part of what I'm going to suggest to you.
The next thing is to stop and whether it's in the middle of a tense fight or situation with your child or it's something that you practice on a regular basis, which I would strongly suggest, stopping and taking the time to reconnect with yourself is super important, but what does that look like and what do I mean by that? What I mean is if you're in the midst of something, that you don't have to react or you don't have to respond immediately to your child in a situation.
It's okay to take some time. Doesn't make you look weak to say, "I need till tomorrow morning to think about this. We'll rediscuss it then." That may not work with your two-year-old, I get that, it depends on the situation that you're in, but what I'm suggesting to you is that on a regular basis, you get quiet, you find a quiet place to sit, a place that you won't be interrupted, to close your eyes.
The most important thing about this setting is that you get past the thinking of your monkey mind, that thinking place, that place where you close your eyes and you think, "What should I do? What should I do in this situation? I'm not sure what I should do." You get past this fear because in our minds, in our thinking, we have fear and fear breeds disconnection with our kids and those we love most.
What we want to do is get to heart space. That's where our intuition, our inner wisdom and our connection live. That's where our love is, right? You may have to take a few minutes to breathe deeply, get past the thinking, and drop into your heart space.
Reconnecting With Yourself
When you're in heart space, the next step is to ask, is to ask for that clarity, that inner wisdom, that guidance around whatever the situation is, whether it's helping your three-year-old control their tantrums, or helping your 15-year-old learn how to get up on his or her own volition in the morning to get to school on time, or it's your 20-year-old and they have formed an addiction to alcohol that is worrisome to you and what can you do to step in. Varying degrees of problems, but same asking for that intuition, that clarity to show itself.
Then the next step is to act, and to act may mean the answer may come to you, that you do need some outside help, that you do need a professional, that you do need some guidance in your parenting, that you need some outside service, but it may not. It may look like you need to just reconnect, again, spending this time practicing reconnecting with yourself, spending time taking good care of yourself. Self-compassion, self-care in parenting is critical.
I have five children. I've been parenting teenagers at this stage of the game I think more than 20 years. My youngest is 14, my oldest is 32, and this practice of stopping, asking, and acting has saved me on so many occasions. It keeps me grounded. Our children come through us, not for us, except for the lessons that they reflect to us during their journey in an effort to grow us up along the way. Remember that. I hope this information helps you.
You can find the complete series at https://www.learningsuccesssystem.com/tips/cye
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